Half A Year Passed and I Still Hate My Job

Assalamualaikum.

Yes, refer to the post title above.

I feel so angry, stressed out and drained. Too drained to do anything I like after work. Too tired by 5.30pm and want to drag my legs on the tarred road instead of walking like a normal person does. Since my colleague left for a better job last month, this happens to me every working days (mind you, 6 days per week).

So since only 2 people left for the department, I carry almost all the load. Doing the same things are so boring, so tiring. Of course, I don't do high-end sales, like my senior does, but I do almost everything else from admin to sales to calling a repair man to service the airconds. Since there are too many things to do all at once, certain things are left undone because I am out of hand. Then, I get scolded by colleague of another department for forgetting and keeps reminding me of his Standard of Procedure (SOP). Pffft.

Whenever I feel angry, I cry. Like few days ago when my mighty senior just walked out of the door without completing his job and I had to do it for him and left me be the last one to go home, of course I cried out of anger. I purposely left customers' email unreplied and they were still not replied after an hour!! If my boss sees that emails are not answered at the end of the day, she will questions ME on the next morning. I had no choice but to stay late.

That mighty senior there knew I was under stress, and he did asked what can he do to lessen my load. Please, stick with your job scope, I don't have to remind you EVERY TIME coz you are 26 y/o for goodness sake. I didn't answer him that way, just shrugged and continued with my emails. Had better things to do than answering a stupid question. And with that, he can still complained to his friend, the manager, that I was rude to him. Have you ever wondered why? I gave you too many obvious hints already.

Yesterday, I had to go out early to attend an occasion. I only told the manager in the morning that I had to go out earlier and that's it. Usually the boss rarely comes on weekend so should be no worry, but yesterday was a miracle. She came! Late! Yeay! So I told her that I gotta go to the occasion and skip work for an hour. She said, why didn't I tell her earlier? What, a week earlier to apply leave? And tell you who comes to the office on weekend once in 3 months??? And she glared at me wtf! I stayed until 7pm to hear many useless meetings, to help you sort out your receipts for tax claims and many more useless purposes with low wage, and you glared at me??

Oh. Just wow.

Money is no longer attractive as it used to be few months ago. I seek for it no more. But whenever I think like this, I feel sad coz there are many people out there who are still jobless. I have to be bersyukur for the job but then, this is making me crazier day by day. That is why I keep quiet for the whole half a year about it and refrain myself from blurting out my feelings somewhere. Sheesh now, cannot refrain anymore.

My parents knew about these. They advised to stay put, to stay sane and work for another 6 to 12 more months to beautify the resume. My mak said I must deal with the stress issues, or might fall sick. Ma, I am already sick. Bad sleep, irregular heartbeats, headaches and many more ma. Thank god, I have them to make me feel ok, I can do this for a few more months. I can. I can.

Heck. I need a break from this office. I wish I can get MCs somehow and be on the couch watching TV instead of eating medicine to get better. To work? NO. FRICKIN. WAY.