Feeling Sorry

Assalamualaikum.

I feel sorry to myself for not being good in one aspect of life: interacting. You know, at times I can be outgoing. Chit chatting non-stop, interacting with people like there's no tomorrow (meaning here sembang seshs are going good, since there's no tomorrow. Bahaa). This happens only bila aku selesa dengan orang tu. Biasanya my girls from primary school  and colleagues lah.

Ok yang atas ni takpelah, takde masalah.

During those bad times, I can blurt out words that are quite mean. Tak sedar pun weh, tup tup dah tercakap. Ada jugak orang terguris, memang bawak gaduh jugak. Kalau fikir balik, emmm ikut sangat perasaan to make funny convo (but I AM funny my sister even snapshot our convo and put as her whatsapp story!), or wanting so bad to be accepted by people in a conversation coz it makes me feel at ease. Tapi cuba bayangkan eh, macam mana nak fikir banyak kali sebelum cakap something kat orang supaya orang tu tak terasa? It looks impossible to me sebab kalo nak fikir sangat, 2 minit berlalu...5 minit berlalu..15....dah, baik takyah sembang.

Kadang tu tak rasa nak cakap langsung weh hahaha dok dengarrrr je orang nyembang. Eeeeeeee timid gila lah pompuan!

Kadang tu, bila aku cakap something, orang pun cam tak interested jugak hahaha. I do that to people too so macam faham perasaan annoyed pasai kena ignore. Kah. Like I have few chat groups, kadang nak mencelah tapi bila celah, takde orang respon pulek. Lalu membuatkan aku heran, eh tak best ke ape aku cakap tadi tu? Eh ramai sangat ke yang chat sampai tak nampak mesej aku tu? Eh suara aku tadi tenggelam timbul ke? Hahaha.

Aku bukan apa, takdelah terasa nak diterima oleh seluruh masyarakat atau satu dunia. Tapi sebab group social aku sangat kecik, it would be wasted if interactions go wrong with these people. I mean, I love them all to bits okay! Walaupun bebel bebel awat laa member member aku ni selalu mai meeting lambat. Ohahahahhahaa.

Hope as I grow older, I can be better than now.